Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

It has only been seven months since the last installment  of the Twilight Saga: New Moon, but if you are a die hard "Twilighter" like I am, then these past seven months have seemed like an eternity.

I have not read any of the Twilight books so I am not going to pretend like I know what is going on here and try to explain the storyline to no avail. So I will just tell you what I think is going on in this movie instead. Edward is worried that Bella will choose Jacob over him because he knows that he has a fatish, white flab when Jacob has an awesome six pack. Not only that, but Edward is the walking dead and he knows that Jacob has warm, humanesque blood running through his veins that might attract Bella to him. The villainess, Victoria, has also heard about Jacob's rippling muscles and wants them all to herself so she has created an entire vampire army that will attack Jacob and bring him to Victoria so that she can mate with him and have little vampire-wolves. Edward cannot let this happen because he fears the power of the vampire-wolf cubs so he must destroy Victoria and her army before they can get to Jacob, effectively saving Bella's wedding ring. At least, that's what I got out of it.

Let's face it, nobody goes to these movies for the story ( eccept for the thousands and thousands of teenage girls who have read the books ). The only reason people show up to see these movies is because they want to see werewolves tearing vampires defunct limb from defunct limb and don't worry, there is plenty of that towards the end, after you've braved sequence after sequence of Edward and Bella making out and talking lovey dovey to each other.

Eclipse has all the ingredients of a modern day, teenage romance film: two crazy teens who just want to spend the rest of eternity together ( literally ), uncomfortable conversations with father, and a love triangle involving a werewolf and a vampire. These films are definitely chick flicks and if you walk into the theater expecting anything other than sappy romance held together by the strong foundations of B acting, then you're in for a shocker.

Nobody ( eccept for the thousands and thousands of teenage girls who have read the books ) takes these movies seriously as good cinematography and it is doubtful that any of them will every win any Oscars; however, Eclipse is an improvement over its predecessors, incorporating something that has never been seen in a Twilight film before- camera motion, making this film the most enjoyable so far.

What else can be said? I am sure that most Twihards and Twilighters will enjoy this film ( I know my sisters did ). If you're into Twilight and the whole "loving a vampire" thing, then you might want to try sinking your teeth into this film ( pun intended no matter how unoriginal or unfunny it was ), otherwise you might just want to stay away.

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