Review: I Am Number Four

With teen-based novels such as Twilight, Harry Pottter, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians all finding huge success in Hollywood, Producer Michael Bay and Director D.J. Caruso give it a shot with Pittacus Lore's I Am Number Four. Does it work?

Well, if you find filmmaking to be an entertaining form of art used to tell stories and not just a way of suckering people out of their money, then you probably won't be surprised when I say this: No. It doesn't.

With a cast made up of people like Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron, and Teresa Palmer, there is definitely no shortage of good looking people. Fortunately, Michael Bay is used to substituting authenticity and talent for sex appeal. Everybody here looks too old to still be in high school and nobody can act, but none of that matters as long as they all look good- classic Bay. 

Alexy Pettyfer plays John, an extraterrestrial who, along with eight others, are the last of their kind who have been sent to earth as infants in order to save their lives. Together, these nine are prophesied to one day save their race, but first they must fend off an group of evil, alien bounty hunters who are picking them off one by one.

Sure, the premise is interesting enough, but the execution is sadly lacking. As I said earlier, nobody in this film can act which begins to take its toll once the boring teenage angst and predictable high school drama begin to kick in not too long into the movie and we're supposed to take it seriously. It was like watching a little seven-year-old girl play with her Barbie and Ken dolls (still waiting for them to get back together).

Speaking of predictability, holy cow, you don't have to see this movie to know what's going to happen. The beginning was some pretty interesting stuff and it grabbed my attention for sure, but that didn't last long once the title slide hit and, just like every other film last deacade, cut teenage boys were jet skiing to some distasteful punk rock. From there, it was pretty much just another film adaptation of a girly teen novel.

But it's Michael Bay so there has to be some action. Don't worry, all you adrenaline junkies will get your fix, if only for fifteen short minutes towards the end. That is, if the rest of the film doesn't put you to sleep first.